"Have You Ever Felt Dirty?" The Truth About Trying to Rent While Broken

Author: Marcus Hart

Date published: 12/21/2025

Have you ever looked at a rental application and felt… dirty?

I’m talking about that heavy, greasy feeling in your gut when you get to the section that asks about your background. You pause. You hold the pen over the paper (or your finger over the mouse), and for a split second, you aren't a father, a veteran, or a leader.

You are your worst mistake.

I remember coming home after my incarceration. I had served my country in Iraq. I had survived the trauma of war. I had found God in a jail cell. But to that leasing agent? I was just a checkbox that said "Risk."

They tell you it’s "just business." They tell you the policy is "neutral." But when you are the one sitting in that chair, trying to find a safe place for your family, it doesn't feel neutral. It feels like a judgment on your soul.

I carried that shame for a long time. I thought, Maybe they're right. Maybe I don't have the capacity.

But then I met John B. Cruz III.

The Wizard of Oz Trap John is the CEO of Cruz Companies, a Black-owned construction empire that has been building in Boston since 1948. We’re talking about a man with a 75-year legacy. A man who has built skylines.

And yet, he told me something that broke my heart and healed it at the same time.

He said, "I've so many times felt like I'm in the Wizard of Oz… looking at the castle in the distance. But the yellow brick road is always changing for us."

Hearing a titan of industry say that changed everything for me. I realized that the "dirty feeling" wasn't because I was broken. It was because the road I was walking on was designed to trip me.

The Lie of "Capacity" John’s son, Justin, told me that banks often deny them loans—despite their millions in revenue—because they are "uncomfortable with their capacity."

Capacity. It’s such a clean, corporate word. But it’s a weapon.

It made me wonder: How many of us have adopted that word for ourselves? How many times have you looked at a dream God put in your heart and whispered, I don't have the capacity for that?

We let the bank’s rejection become our internal reality. We start redlining our own souls.

People Over Paper The beautiful thing about the Cruz legacy is that they refuse to play that game. In their property management division, they don't auto-reject tenants with eviction histories. They do a "Case-by-Case" analysis.

They look at the person, not just the paper.

They understand that a "scarred history" usually comes from a systemic wound, not a character flaw. They offer the grace that the system refuses to give.

Stop Rejecting Yourself Here is the truth, fam. You cannot control the bank. You cannot control the landlord. You cannot control the "Yellow Brick Road."

But you can control the infrastructure of your own spirit.

If you are walking into every room expecting to be rejected, you are doing the system’s job for it. You are disqualifying yourself.

John Cruz didn't survive 75 years by asking for permission. He survived by having an internal standard that was higher than the world's standard. He built an infrastructure that could handle the weight of the "No."

You need to do the same.

Conclusion If you are tired of feeling "dirty" when you look at your past, it’s time to wash your hands of other people’s opinions.

The system might say you lack capacity. God says your cup runneth over.

Whose report are you going to believe?

Ready to Rebuild? You cannot build a million-dollar vision on a bankrupt spirit. If you are constantly on the verge of burnout, drowning in shame, you need to reinforce your foundation. Click here to take my free "Authority Assessment" and let’s see where your spiritual infrastructure needs support.

Are you paralyzed by noise in your own life, business, or mission?